Valerie Bertinelli recently reflected on her two marriages in an interview with People, making heartfelt admissions about her romantic history and stating that she believes she has “never truly known” genuine love.
The 65-year-old actress’s most recent marriage was to Tom Vitale, lasting from 2011 to 2022. Before that, she was wed to musician Eddie Van Halen, and they had a son together in 1991. Van Halen died in 2020 following a fight with cancer.
In the same interview, Bertinelli discussed how her two past divorces shaped her perspective on romance.
“With two divorces behind me, I felt like a failure,” she shared. “I didn’t truly understand what real love meant. Ed and I had moments of it, but I never truly experienced it for an extended period. And I still haven’t. Honestly, Ed was the closest I’ve ever been to experiencing genuine love.”
Two years following her split from Vitale, Bertinelli went public with her then-boyfriend, Bertinelli readily admitted that a significant factor has consistently caused her to be reluctant about entering romantic relationships.
“I don’t feel secure, and my trust in people is often limited,” she explained. “Therefore, safety is incredibly important to me. It’s intriguing that I don’t consistently choose partners who make me feel safe. Or perhaps they do initially, and then their demeanor changes.”
Regarding the future, Bertinelli is receptive to a new romance, provided it’s with the ideal individual, but she isn’t looking for an intense, passionate start.
“I am quite content being by myself right now because I experience more safety,” she expressed. “I’m unsure how to feel secure around a man. I know it’s possible. Envisioning what lies ahead, Bertinelli has a clear understanding of the qualities she desires in a partner and when she will choose to reveal him publicly.
“If I ever begin dating again, I won’t be discussing it for a considerable period. I need to ensure it’s successful first,” she stated. “I don’t desire butterflies; I dislike that feeling. It resembles anxiety. Limerence isn’t love, and I don’t want it. I seek tranquility, security, and emotional safety. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced that. In fact, I’ve primarily encountered the opposite, which is quite unsettling.”
Bertinelli also expressed her wish to offer the same sense of security to her future partner.
“I want a partner to feel emotionally secure with me, to be able to open up and be vulnerable, knowing I will safeguard that,” she explained. “And I also want to feel protected. I haven’t experienced having my own vulnerability respected and cherished in that way either.”
Following the conclusion of her marriage to Vitale, Bertinelli admitted she was inclined to give up on romantic relationships entirely.
“After my second divorce, my sentiment was, ‘I despise men,'” she remembered.
Currently, she is more amenable to a relationship, provided the timing is appropriate.
“Genuine love can be enchanting when it’s right,” she mused. “And I might experience that someday, but I also need to be at peace with the possibility that I might not. That’s my current state. I adore my life as it is. Whenever I consider sharing it with a man, a thought crosses my mind: ‘But do I really want to?'”
This content was initially featured on TODAY.com